Little Lejla

She was much smaller than her age indicated. Glancing again at her file to be sure I had the right girl, then back at her before calling out “Sta ima, bona?” Her little head bobbed up from the coloring book upon which she was focused. She jumped up and bounced over with her light up shoes glowing at her feet. “Wow! Those are pretty shoes, Lejla! My name is Ms. Rhonda.” She grinned sticking one glittery sneaker out for me to admire. I instantly became attached to her, this precious little one who had just arrived to Phoenix from a refugee facility in Germany. Originally from Sarajevo, a thriving metropolitan city of Bosnia Herzegovina- Lejla and her mother with her gorgeous olive skin fled Bosnia in the middle of the civil war. They crept on the hillsides with other refugees hiding among the trees in the cold until they found it safe enough to travel further. Her mother was Bosnian. Her father was Croatian. Their marriage, which had been celebrated several years earlier with a joyous ceremony and a feast, had later become filthy and despised. Sadly in the course of terror that overtook the city, Lejla’s father was taken and killed. Her uncles and older male cousins had been separated from the family and forced into camps. Fortunately they survived and were reunited in Germany before coming to Phoenix.

Lejla’s eyes resembled big, dark marbles…the kind that have a hint of shimmer in the center but only visible when luminated just so.  She had short dark hair that highlighted the large round eyes underneath. Her front teeth were silver due to lack of proper nutrition during the siege. Her laugh- a raucous phlegm filled laugh- tickled my funny bone and never failed to make me laugh too, not for its sweetness but because such a laugh could come from a tiny being. She, however, was sweet. Over the course of my visits, I gave her a nickname- miš mali. Little mouse. She was just that- cute and small, curious and observant, quiet…except for her laugh.

Starting over again in the United States is not easy, especially as a single parent; especially after seeing all they had seen, feeling all they had felt- the tremendous heartbreak and loss. Lejla was frightened by loud sounds. Miš mali. She slept in her mother’s bed at night because every time she heard a helicopter overhead she would tremble. Once at school a few of the other girls made fun of her speech, her boyish hair and her teeth to the point that Lejla cried. After school, the heartbroken little mouse cuddled up to her mother for consolation.

Even still, among her fears and adversity were bright moments of happiness. Happiness so dazzling you could see a shimmer in the darkest of marbles. I still remember when she learned to swim. Her thin arms swinging as she ran towards me blurting out all at once, “MsRhondaMsRhondaIcanswim!” It was a delight to share with her a love of reading. Her pale cheeks would practically glow with joy at learning a new word. I would bring her books, some of my childhood favorites or an occasional stuffed toy. In return I received a much sweeter gift- a big hug from her twiggy arms. 

In time, Lejla made friends. She learned English much faster than anyone else in the family and loved correcting her mother. She grew taller. The silver baby teeth fell and shiny pearls took their place.  Her mother found work as a maid; a lower position than she held in her country, but it was work. They found an apartment to maintain on their own. No longer did they need to live with other family members. Lejla made the honor roll in school, time and time again. Her mother later remarried and not to a Bosnian. She proclaimed early on that she would never marry a Bosnian, nor a Croat. No, she would marry an American. It wasn’t for papers as refugees are given green cards shortly after entry to the U.S. She wanted to marry an American because she now was American. She wanted no memory of the sorrow she left behind. She moved away from the Bosnian filled neighborhood and surrounded Lejla with American friends. She was determined to make a new life for her little mouse.

As she grew, Lejla learned to dance. Silky slippers replaced her sparkling sneakers. She would glide across the stage, her arms now strong, her legs muscular, her dark hair long and thick flowing with every whirl and leap…her eyes gleaming as bright as any of the stage lights. She had earned a new nickname. Not ready yet to let go of the little girl, I renamed her mala ptica. Little bird. ❤

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Online Dating Opinion-ation

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Recently I decided to try my hand at online dating. I know. I know. While not much dating has been going on, there has been some communication.

My plan is this…communicate with those who have a high match percentage and then, only those that have photographs. Let’s be honest…stranger danger is an important consideration. You have to place a reasonable amount of trust in the process and in your potential matches. If you can’t trust the process enough to add a photo, then it usually means there is something to hide. Not the something like you are secretly George Clooney but something like a little gold band around your fourth finger to the left.

Once communication has begun, then I give it a fair shot to see how engaging they are in conversation. I’m naturally very inquisitive and therefore purposely ask open ended questions. If the answers are closed or they never ask a question of me then it indicates the intent is simply not there on their side or they are just very private making it next to impossible to learn about them.

Very select few…maybe less than few will get my email address to communicate with outside of the site. From there a precious few may get my phone number or I agree to meet. Maybe I’m doing it wrong, however I do not see a reason to just go on a slew of dates. I would rather use a vetting process and narrow the field to just the seemingly viable candidates.

Recently a man with whom I had been messaging with, asked my thoughts on a few issues. I shared freely, albeit diplomatically. He then proceeded to tell me that I am an “opinionated woman.” Ummmm…is that a bad thing?

The thoughts, beliefs and ideas I have are based upon firsthand personal experience and are adhered to out of a confidence in understanding my innermost needs and desires. I don’t challenge others as much as I try to understand their ideas and feelings.

While I admit to being mildly stubborn it only usually pertains to me and my personal doggedness about getting things done.

I’m reasonably open minded and it’s important to me that I take into consideration others thoughts and ideas and show respect to those who share them with me.

So I pose the question…is a strong, capable, confident, self-aware woman the same as an opinionated woman? To that I reply with a very opinionated Pffft! ❤

A Mother’s Day message

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As a daughter, I thought or rather knew that I knew more than my mom. As a mother, I realize that I am far from figuring it all out but thankful for each new day. Regardless of your relationship with your mother, know this…being a mother is harder than you may think. It’s my greatest challenge and the most incredibly fulfilling role (I shun using “job”) that I have ever had. It’s different than any other relationship because there isn’t any rule book. Sure there are social expectations and societal beliefs but it’s really just you making things up as you go along. Being a mother isn’t all rainbows and fuzzy hugs. It isn’t for every woman and kudos to those of you who know in advance that you don’t want it and take precautions to ensure it doesn’t happen. That’s far more respectable than throwing caution to the wind. Being a mother is knowing that you fail and will continue to fail. It’s accepting that failure and forging ahead as if you are going to prove yourself wrong! It’s doubting yourself and cheering for yourself over the little victories like first steps and first potty poos and first kisses and best of all when your kid is laughing uncontrollably in that way that makes you want to cry tears of joy because just maybe you got something right. Being a mother is hope that you’ll do better tomorrow. It is sacrificing bits of yourself to give something to someone who may not realize the sacrifice or ever understand it or even appreciate it. Being a mother is a lesson in love. When you feel those squishy kisses on your cheeks or sticky hands in your hair or the casual unsolicited hug of a teenager, you realize that love truly is medicine; it heals doubts and wipes away mistakes. Being a mother is chipping pieces of your heart and soul off each day and sending it out the door hoping it will grow into an oak. We have mothers who literally gave us life and mothers who taught us how to give love. So today please show honor to anyone in your life who mothered you in some small way. Say a prayer for them and hold them dear in your thoughts for they helped make the YOU that is you. ❤